This Privacy Policy sets out how we, Integral Health Limited, collect, store and use information about you when you use or interact with our website, nikigratrix.com (our website) and where we otherwise obtain or collect information about you. This Privacy Policy is effective 12th May 2019.
Contents
- Summary
- Our details
- When you visit our website
- When you use our website
- Marketing communications
- Information obtained from third parties
- Disclosure and additional uses of your information
- How long we retain your information
- How we secure your information
- Transfers of your information outside the European Economic Area
- Your rights in relation to your information
- Changes to our Privacy Policy
- Children’s Privacy
This section summarises how we obtain, store and use information about you. It is intended to provide a very general overview only. It is not complete in and of itself and it must be read in conjunction with the corresponding full sections of this Privacy Policy.
- Data controller: Integral Health Limited
- How we collect or obtain information about you: when you provide it to us e.g. by contacting us, placing an order on our website, completing registration forms, adding or rating locations, posting blogs, or signing up for content such as newsletters. From your use of our website, using cookies and occasionally, from third parties such as mailing list providers.
- Information we collect: name, contact details, social media information, payment information e.g. your credit or debit card details, IP address, information from cookies, information about your computer or device (e.g. device and browser type), information about how you use our website (e.g. which pages you have viewed, the time when you view them and what you clicked on, the geographical location from which you accessed our website (based on your IP address), company name or business name (if applicable), VAT number (if applicable), engagement history and transaction history.)
- How we use your information: for administrative and business purposes (particularly to contact you and process orders you place on our website, to improve our business and website, to fulfil our contractual obligations, to advertise our and other’s goods and services, to analyse your use of our website, and in connection with our legal rights and obligations.)
- Disclosure of your information to third parties: user information can be shared with partners for specific types of content and events where a user has registered their information. Other disclosures are only to the extent necessary to run our business, to our service providers, to fulfil any contracts we enter into with you and where required by law or to enforce our legal rights.
- Do we sell your information to third parties (other than in the course of a business sale or purchase or similar event): No, Integral Health Limited, does not sell data. However, when you register or sign up for certain types of content, your registration data can be shared with sponsors and partners. Examples of where we do this include event registrations, webinar signups or whitepaper downloads. We will always make it clear where any information provided will be shared with other parties.
- How long we retain your information: for no longer than necessary, taking into account any legal obligations we have (e.g. to maintain records for tax purposes), any other legal basis we have for using your information (e.g. your consent, performance of a contract with you or our legitimate interests as a business) and certain additional factors described in the main section below entitled How long we retain your information. For specific retention periods in relation to certain information which we collect from you, please see the main section below entitled How long we retain your information.
- How we secure your information: using appropriate technical and organisational measures such as storing your information on secure servers, encrypting transfers of data to or from our servers using Secure Sockets Layer (SSL) technology, encrypting payments you make on or via our website using Secure Sockets Layer (SSL) technology and only granting access to your information where necessary.
- Use of cookies and similar technologies: we use cookies and similar information-gathering technologies such as marketing automation tracking on our website including essential, functional, analytical and targeting cookies. For more information, please visit our cookies policy.
- Transfers of your information outside the European Economic Area: By using our website, your information may be transferred outside of the European Economic Area. We take personal data seriously and as such we ensure appropriate safeguards are in place, including, for example, that the third parties we use who transfer your information outside the European Economic Area have self-certified themselves as compliant with the EU-U.S. Privacy Shield.
- Use of profiling: we use profiling to understand our users better through web and marketing analytics, provide targeted advertising and deliver a personalised user experience.
- Your rights in relation to your information
- to access your information and to receive information about its use
- to have your information corrected and/or completed
- to have your information deleted
- to restrict the use of your information
- to receive your information in a portable format
- to object to the use of your information
- to withdraw your consent to the use of your information
- to complain to a supervisory authority
- Sensitive personal information: we do not collect what is commonly referred to as ‘sensitive personal information’.
If you have any questions about this Privacy Policy, please contact the data controller.
The data controller in respect of our website is;
Integral Health Limited,
The Abundant Energy Expert is the trading name for Integral Health Limited.
Registered Company Address:
26 Chapel Street,
Cheadle,
Cheshire,
SK8 1BR
Company number: 04878585
Tel (0) 208 123 1645
You can contact the data controller by writing to our data protection officer, at the address above, or by sending an email to Niki@NikiGratrix.com.
We collect and use information from website visitors in accordance with this section and the section entitled Disclosure and additional uses of your information.
We use a third party server to host our website called Google Cloud the privacy policy of which is available here: https://cloud.google.com/security/privacy/
Our website server automatically logs the IP address you use to access our website as well as other information about your visit such as the pages accessed, information requested, the date and time of the request, the source of your access to our website (e.g. the website or URL (link) which referred you to our website), and your browser version and operating system.
We collect and store server logs to ensure network and IT security and so that the server and website remain uncompromised. This includes analysing log files to help identify and prevent unauthorised access to our network, the distribution of malicious code, denial of services attacks and other cyber-attacks, by detecting unusual or suspicious activity.
Unless we are investigating suspicious or potential criminal activity, we do not make, nor do we allow our hosting provider to make, any attempt to identify you from the information collected via server logs.
Legal basis for processing: compliance with a legal obligation to which we are subject (Article 6(1)(c) of the General Data Protection Regulation).
Legal obligation: we have a legal obligation to implement appropriate technical and organisational measures to ensure a level of security appropriate to the risk of our processing of information about individuals. Recording access to our website using server log files is such a measure.
Legal basis for processing: our legitimate interests (Article 6(1)(f) of the General Data Protection Regulation).
Legitimate interests: we have a legitimate interest in using your information for the purposes of ensuring network and information security.
We use the information collected by our website server logs to analyse how our website users interact with our website and its features. For example, we analyse the number of visits and unique visitors we receive, the time and date of the visit, the location of the visit and the operating system and browser use.
We use the information gathered from the analysis of this information to improve our website. For example, we use the information gathered to change the information, content and structure of our website and individual pages based according to what users are engaging most with and the duration of time spent on particular pages on our website.
Legal basis for processing: our legitimate interests (Article 6(1)(f) of the General Data Protection Regulation).
Legitimate interest: improving our website for our website users and getting to know our website users’ preferences so our website can better meet their needs and desires.
Cookies are data files which are sent from a website to a browser to record information about users for various purposes.
We use cookies on our website, including essential, functional, analytical and targeting cookies. For further information on how we use cookies, please see our cookies policy.
You can reject some or all of the cookies we use on or via our website by changing your browser settings or non-essential cookies by using a cookie control tool, but doing so can impair your ability to use our website or some or all of its features. For further information about cookies, including how to change your browser settings, please visit www.allaboutcookies.org or see our cookie policy.
We collect and use information from individuals who contact us in accordance with this section and the section entitled Disclosure and additional uses of your information.
When you send an email to the email address displayed on our website we collect your email address and any other information you provide in that email (such as your name, telephone number and the information contained in any signature block in your email).
Legal basis for processing: our legitimate interests (Article 6(1)(f) of the General Data Protection Regulation).
Legitimate interest(s): responding to enquiries and messages we receive and keeping records of correspondence.
Legal basis for processing: necessary to perform a contract or to take steps at your request to enter into a contract (Article 6(1)(b) of the General Data Protection Regulation).
Reason why necessary to perform a contract: where your message relates to us providing you with goods or services or taking steps at your request prior to providing you with our goods and services (for example, providing you with information about such goods and services), we will process your information in order to do so).
When you contact us using an enquiry form, we collect your personal details and match this to any information we hold about you on record. Typical personal information collected will include your name and contact details. We will also record the time, date and the specific form you completed.
If you do not provide the mandatory information required by our contact form, you will not be able to submit the contact form and we will not receive your enquiry.
Legal basis for processing: our legitimate interests (Article 6(1)(f) of the General Data Protection Regulation).
Legitimate interest(s): responding to enquiries and messages we receive and keeping records of correspondence.
We will also use this information to tailor any follow up sales and marketing communications with you. For further information, see the section of this privacy policy titled ‘Marketing Communications’.
Messages you send to us via our contact form may be stored outside the European Economic Area on our contact form provider’s servers.
When you contact us by phone, we collect your phone number and any information provide to us during your conversation with us.
We record customer-facing phone calls for training and customer service purposes.
Legal basis for processing: our legitimate interests (Article 6(1)(f) of the General Data Protection Regulation)
Legitimate interest(s): responding to enquiries and messages we receive and keeping records of correspondence.
Legal basis for processing: necessary to perform a contract or to take steps at your request to enter into a contract (Article 6(1)(b) of the General Data Protection Regulation).
Reason why necessary to perform a contract: where your message relates to us providing you with goods or services or taking steps at your request prior to providing you with our goods and services (for example, providing you with information about such goods and services), we will process your information in order to do so).
If you contact us by post, we will collect any information you provide to us in any postal communications you send us.
Legal basis for processing: our legitimate interests (Article 6(1)(f) of the General Data Protection Regulation)
Legitimate interest(s): responding to enquiries and messages we receive and keeping records of correspondence.
Legal basis for processing: necessary to perform a contract or to take steps at your request to enter into a contract (Article 6(1)(b) of the General Data Protection Regulation).
Reason why necessary to perform a contract: where your message relates to us providing you with goods or services or taking steps at your request prior to providing you with our goods and services (for example, providing you with information about such goods and services), we will process your information in order to do so).
We collect and use information from individuals who interact with particular features of our website in accordance with this section and the section entitled Disclosure and additional uses of your information.
We have a wide range of social media tools to be able to use on our website. These tools include (but not limited to); Sharing, Likes, comments and submitting content both on and off our website. By using these tools, you are providing your consent to store and use the submitted data whether personal information or general information both on and off our website.
Legal basis for processing: your consent (Article 6(1)(a) of the General Data Protection Regulation). Consent: you give your consent to us storing and using submitted content using the steps described above.
We may also use this information to tailor any follow up sales and marketing communications with you. For further information, see the section of this privacy policy titled ‘Marketing Communications’.
Information you submit may be stored both inside and outside the European Economic Area on our servers as well as third-party servers such as Facebook.
For further information about the safeguards used when your information is transferred outside the European Economic Area.
When you place an order with us, you will be transferred to our third-party provider who will collect and use information from individuals who place an order with us in accordance with this section and the section entitled Disclosure and additional uses of your information.
We use Infusionsoft to store and process your orders and their Privacy policy can be found here https://keap.com/legal/privacy-policy
Mandatory information
When you place an order for goods or services, we collect your name, email address, billing address.
If you do not provide this information, you will not be able to purchase goods or services from us or enter into a contract with us.
Legal basis for processing: compliance with a legal obligation (Article 6(1)(c) of the General Data Protection Regulation).
Legal obligation: we have a legal obligation to issue you with an invoice for the goods and services you purchase from us where you are VAT registered and we require the mandatory information collected by our checkout form for this purpose. We also have a legal obligation to keep accounting records, including records of transactions
Additional information
We can also collect additional information from you, such as your phone number, full name, address etc.
We use this information to manage and improve your customer experience with us.
We will also use this information to tailor any follow up sales and marketing communications with you. For further information, see the section of this privacy policy titled ‘Marketing Communications’.
If you do not supply the additional information requested at checkout, you will not be able to complete your order as we will not have the correct level of information to adequately manage your account.
Legal basis for processing: our legitimate interests (Article 6(1)(f) of the General Data Protection Regulation).
Legitimate interests: The ability to provide adequate customer service and management of your customer account.
After you place an order you will need to make payment for the goods or services you have ordered. In order to process your payment we use both PayPal and WePay, a third party payment processor provided by InfusionSoft.
Your payment will be processed by on of the above providers, who collect, use and process your information, including payment information, in accordance with their privacy policies.
You can access PayPal’s privacy policy via the following link: https://www.paypal.com/en/webapps/mpp/ua/privacy-full
You can access WePay’s privacy policy via the following link : https://go.wepay.com/privacy-policy
Transfer and storage of your information
In providing Card Services, your personal data will be transferred outside the EEA.
For further information about the safeguards used when your information is transferred outside the European Economic Area, see the section of this privacy policy below entitled Transfers of your information outside the European Economic Area.
Legal basis for processing: necessary to perform a contract (Article 6(1)(b) of the General Data Protection Regulation).
Reason why necessary to perform a contract: to fulfil your contractual obligation to pay for the goods or services you have ordered from us.
When signing up for content, registering on our website or making a payment, we will use the information you provide in order to contact you regarding related content, products and services.
We will continue to send you marketing communications in relation to similar goods and services if you do not opt out from receiving them.
You can opt-out from receiving marketing communications at any time by emailing Niki@NikiGratrix.com
Legal basis for processing: our legitimate interests (Article 6(1)(f) of the General Data Protection Regulation).
Legitimate interests: Sharing relevant, timely and industry-specific information on related business services, in order to assist your organisation, grow.
In addition to receiving information about our products and services, you can opt in to receiving marketing communications from us in relation third party goods and services by email by ticking a box indicating that you would like to receive such communications.
Legal basis for processing: consent (Article 6(1)(a) of the General Data Protection Regulation).
Consent: you give your consent to us sending you information about third party goods and services by signing up to receive such information in accordance with the steps described above.
Transfer and storage of your information
Information for marketing campaigns will be stored outside the European Economic Area on our third-party mailing list provider’s servers in the United States.
For further information about the safeguards used when your information is transferred outside the European Economic Area, see the section of this privacy policy below entitled Transfers of your information outside the European Economic Area.
Use of tracking in emails
We use technologies such as tracking pixels (small graphic files) and tracked links in the emails we send to allow us to assess the level of engagement our emails receive by measuring information such as the delivery rates, open rates, click through rates and content engagement that our emails achieve.
This section sets out how we obtain or collect information about you from third parties.
Information received from third parties
We can often receive information about you from third parties. The third parties from which we receive information about you can include partner events within the marketing industry and other organisations that we have a professional affiliation with.
It is also possible that third parties with whom we have had no prior contact may provide us with information about you.
Information we obtain from third parties will generally be your name and contact details but will include any additional information about you which they provide to us.
Legal basis for processing: necessary to perform a contract or to take steps at your request to enter into a contract (Article 6(1)(b) of the General Data Protection Regulation).
Reason why necessary to perform a contract: where a third party has passed on information about you to us (such as your name and email address) in order for us to provide services to you, we will process your information in order to take steps at your request to enter into a contract with you and perform a contract with you (as the case may be).
Legal basis for processing: consent (Article 6(1)(a) of the General Data Protection Regulation).
Consent: where you have asked that a third party to share information about you with us and the purpose of sharing that information is not related to the performance of a contract or services by us to you, we will process your information on the basis of your consent, which you give by asking the third party in question to pass on your information to us.
Legal basis for processing: our legitimate interests (Article 6(1)(f) of the General Data Protection Regulation).
Legitimate interests: where a third party has shared information about you with us and you have not consented to the sharing of that information, we will have a legitimate interest in processing that information in certain circumstances.
For example, we would have a legitimate interest in processing your information to perform our obligations under a sub-contract with the third party, where the third party has the main contract with you. Our legitimate interest is the performance of our obligations under our sub-contract.
Similarly, third parties may pass on information about you to us if you have infringed or potentially infringed any of our legal rights. In this case, we will have a legitimate interest in processing that information to investigate and pursue any such potential infringement.
In certain circumstances (for example, to verify the information we hold about you or obtain missing information we require to provide you with a service) we will obtain information about you from certain publicly accessible sources, both EU and non-EU, such as Companies House, online customer databases, business directories, media publications, social media, and websites (including your own website if you have one.
In certain circumstances will also obtain information about you from private sources, both EU and non-EU, such as marketing data services.
We will continue to send you marketing communications in relation to similar goods and services if you do not opt out from receiving them.
You can opt-out from receiving marketing communications at any time by emailing Niki@NikiGratrix.com
Legal basis for processing: our legitimate interests (Article 6(1)(f) of the General Data Protection Regulation).
Legitimate interests: Sharing relevant, timely and industry-specific information on related business services.
If we receive information about you from a third party in error and/or we do not have a legal basis for processing that information, we will delete your information.
This section sets out the circumstances in which will disclose information about you to third parties and any additional purposes for which we use your information.
We use a number of third parties to provide us with services which are necessary to run our business or to assist us with running our business
These include the following: Internet services, IT service providers and web developers.
Our third-party service providers are located both inside and outside of the European Economic Area.
Your information will be shared with these service providers where necessary to provide you with the service you have requested, whether that is accessing our website or ordering goods and services from us.
We do not display the identities of our service providers publicly by name for security and competitive reasons. If you would like further information about the identities of our service providers, however, please contact us directly by email and we will provide you with such information where you have a legitimate reason for requesting it (where we have shared your information with such service providers, for example).
Legal basis for processing: legitimate interests (Article 6(1)(f) of the General Data Protection Regulation).
Legitimate interest relied on: where we share your information with these third parties in a context other than where is necessary to perform a contract (or take steps at your request to do so), we will share your information with such third parties in order to allow us to run and manage our business efficiently.
Legal basis for processing: necessary to perform a contract and/or to take steps at your request prior to entering into a contract (Article 6(1)(b) of the General Data Protection Regulation).
Reason why necessary to perform a contract: we may need to share information with our service providers to enable us to perform our obligations under that contract or to take the steps you have requested before we enter into a contract with you.
Indicating possible criminal acts or threats to public security to a competent authority
If we suspect that criminal or potential criminal conduct has been occurred, we will in certain circumstances need to contact an appropriate authority, such as the police. This could be the case, for instance, if we suspect that we fraud or a cyber-crime has been committed or if we receive threats or malicious communications towards us or third parties.
We will generally only need to process your information for this purpose if you were involved or affected by such an incident in some way.
Legal basis for processing: our legitimate interests (Article 6(1)(f) of the General Data Protection Regulation).
Legitimate interests: preventing crime or suspected criminal activity (such as fraud).
In connection with the enforcement or potential enforcement our legal rights
We will use your information in connection with the enforcement or potential enforcement of our legal rights, including, for example, sharing information with debt collection agencies if you do not pay amounts owed to us when you are contractually obliged to do so. Our legal rights may be contractual (where we have entered into a contract with you) or non-contractual (such as legal rights that we have under copyright law or tort law).
Legal basis for processing: our legitimate interests (Article 6(1)(f) of the General Data Protection Regulation).
Legitimate interest: enforcing our legal rights and taking steps to enforce our legal rights.
In connection with a legal or potential legal dispute or proceedings
We may need to use your information if we are involved in a dispute with you or a third party for example, either to resolve the dispute or as part of any mediation, arbitration or court resolution or similar process.
Legal basis for processing: our legitimate interests (Article 6(1)(f) of the General Data Protection Regulation).
Legitimate interest(s): resolving disputes and potential disputes.
This section sets out how long we retain your information. We have set out specific retention periods where possible. Where that has not been possible, we have set out the criteria we use to determine the retention period.
Server log information: we retain information on our server logs for 3 months.
Order information: when you place an order for goods and services, we retain that information for seven years following the end of the financial year in which you placed your order, in accordance with our legal obligation to keep records for tax purposes.
Correspondence and enquiries: when you make an enquiry or correspond with us for any reason, whether by email or via our contact form or by phone, we will retain your information for as long as it takes to respond to and resolve your enquiry, and for 36 further month(s), after which point we will archive your information.
Newsletter: we retain the information you used to sign up for our newsletter for as long as you remain subscribed (i.e. you do not unsubscribe).
Membership: we retain the information you used to sign up for our memberships for as long as you remain subscribed (i.e. you do not unsubscribe).
In any other circumstances, we will retain your information for no longer than necessary, taking into account the following:
- the purpose(s) and use of your information both now and in the future (such as whether it is necessary to continue to store that information in order to continue to perform our obligations under a contract with you or to contact you in the future);
- whether we have any legal obligation to continue to process your information (such as any record-keeping obligations imposed by relevant law or regulation);
- whether we have any legal basis to continue to process your information (such as your consent);
- how valuable your information is (both now and in the future);
- any relevant agreed industry practices on how long information should be retained;
- the levels of risk, cost and liability involved with us continuing to hold the information;
- how hard it is to ensure that the information can be kept up to date and accurate; and
- any relevant surrounding circumstances (such as the nature and status of our relationship with you).
We take appropriate technical and organisational measures to secure your information and to protect it against unauthorised or unlawful use and accidental loss or destruction, including:
- only sharing and providing access to your information to the minimum extent necessary, subject to confidentiality restrictions where appropriate, and on an anonymised basis wherever possible;
- using secure servers to store your information;
- verifying the identity of any individual who requests access to information prior to granting them access to information;
- using Secure Sockets Layer (SSL) software to encrypt any payment transactions you make on or via our website;
- only transferring your information via closed system or encrypted data transfers;
Transmission of information to us by email
Transmission of information over the internet is not entirely secure, and if you submit any information to us over the internet (whether by email, via our website or any other means), you do so entirely at your own risk.
We cannot be responsible for any costs, expenses, loss of profits, harm to reputation, damages, liabilities or any other form of loss or damage suffered by you as a result of your decision to transmit information to us by such means.
Your information may be transferred and stored outside the European Economic Area (EEA) in the circumstances set out earlier in this policy.
We will also transfer your information outside the EEA or to an international organisation in order to comply with legal obligations to which we are subject (compliance with a court order, for example). Where we are required to do so, we will ensure appropriate safeguards and protections are in place.
Subject to certain limitations on certain rights, you have the following rights in relation to your information, which you can exercise by writing to the data controller using the details provided at the top of this policy.
- to request access to your information and information related to our use and processing of your information;
- to request the correction or deletion of your information;
- to request that we restrict our use of your information;
- to receive information which you have provided to us in a structured, commonly used and machine-readable format (e.g. a CSV file) and the right to have that information transferred to another data controller (including a third-party data controller);
- to object to the processing of your information for certain purposes (for further information, see the section below entitled Your right to object to the processing of your information for certain purposes); and
- to withdraw your consent to our use of your information at any time where we rely on your consent to use or process that information. Please note that if you withdraw your consent, this will not affect the lawfulness of our use and processing of your information on the basis of your consent before the point in time when you withdraw your consent.
In accordance with Article 77 of the General Data Protection Regulation, you also have the right to lodge a complaint with a supervisory authority, in particular in the Member State of your habitual residence, place of work or of an alleged infringement of the General Data Protection Regulation.
You can find out further information about your rights, as well as information on any limitations which apply to those rights, by reading the underlying legislation contained in Articles 12 to 22 and 34 of the General Data Protection Regulation, which is available here:http://ec.europa.eu/justice/data-protection/reform/files/regulation_oj_en.pdf
Where you request access to your information, we are required by law to use all reasonable measures to verify your identity before doing so.
These measures are designed to protect your information and to reduce the risk of identity fraud, identity theft or general unauthorised access to your information.
Where we possess appropriate information about you on file, we will attempt to verify your identity using that information.
If it is not possible to identity you from such information, or if we have insufficient information about you, we may require original or certified copies of certain documentation in order to be able to verify your identity before we are able to provide you with access to your information.
We will be able to confirm the precise information we require to verify your identity in your specific circumstances if and when you make such a request.
You have the following rights in relation to your information, which you may exercise in the same way as you may exercise by writing to the data controller using the details provided at the top of this policy.
- to object to us using or processing your information where we use or process it in order
- to carry out a task in the public interest or for our legitimate interests, including ‘profiling’ (i.e. analysing or predicting your behaviour based on your information) based on any of these purposes; and
- to object to us using or processing your information for direct marketing purposes (including any profiling we engage in that is related to such direct marketing).
You may also exercise your right to object to us using or processing your information for direct marketing purposes by:
- clicking the unsubscribe link contained at the bottom of any marketing email we send to you and following the instructions which appear in your browser following your clicking on that link;
- sending an email to Niki@NikiGratrix.com , asking that we stop sending you marketing communications or by including the words “OPT OUT”.
‘Sensitive personal information’ is information about an individual that reveals their racial or ethnic origin, political opinions, religious or philosophical beliefs, or trade union membership, genetic information, biometric information for the purpose of uniquely identifying an individual, information concerning health or information concerning a natural person’s sex life or sexual orientation.
Our website does not allow you to register any ‘Sensitive Information’, however if we ask for this, you will be considered to have explicitly consented to us processing that sensitive personal information under Article 9(2)(a) of the General Data Protection Regulation.
We update and amend our Privacy Policy from time to time.
Minor changes to our Privacy Policy
Where we make minor changes to our Privacy Policy, we will update our Privacy Policy with a new effective date stated at the beginning of it. Our processing of your information will be governed by the practices set out in that new version of the Privacy Policy from its effective date onwards.
Major changes to our Privacy Policy or the purposes for which we process your information
Where we make major changes to our Privacy Policy or intend to use your information for a new purpose or a different purpose than the purposes for which we originally collected it, we will notify you by email (where possible) or by posting a notice on our website.
We will provide you with the information about the change in question and the purpose and any other relevant information before we use your information for that new purpose.
Wherever required, we will obtain your prior consent before using your information for a purpose that is different from the purposes for which we originally collected it.
Because we care about the safety and privacy of children online, we comply with the Children’s Online Privacy Protection Act of 1998 (COPPA). COPPA and its accompanying regulations protect the privacy of children using the internet. We do not knowingly contact or collect information from persons under the age of 18. The website is not intended to solicit information of any kind from persons under the age of 18.
It is possible that we could receive information pertaining to persons under the age of 18 by the fraud or deception of a third party. If we are notified of this, as soon as we verify the information, we will, where required by law to do so, immediately obtain the appropriate parental consent to use that information or, if we are unable to obtain such parental consent, we will delete the information from our servers. If you would like to notify us of our receipt of information about persons under the age of 18, please do so by contacting us by using the details at the top of this policy.
A 2004 landmark study of over 300,000 adults confirmed that social support was a stronger predictor of survival than physical activity, body mass index, hypertension, air pollution, alcohol consumption and even smoking 15 cigarettes per day.
The original 1998 study by the CDC and Kaiser Permanente of over 17,500 adults found 67% of adults have experienced at least one Adverse Childhood Event or “ACE.”
In Dr Ainsworth’s Strange Situation studies, the mother and her baby and a stranger are in the room. The mother leaves the room for a while, and then returns while researchers carefully observe the baby’s responses.
The blueprint for our ability to attach healthily relationships in adulthood is defined during our formative childhood years. As of 2017 – possibly 50% of adults have attachment trauma and cannot maintain secure, loving adult relationships, or are in unsatisfying long-term relationships.
The outdated conventional medical model was predicated on the human brain developing in isolation, in a closed system unaffected by the environment. So, neuronal pathways and synaptic connections would develop due to nature and our genes.
If you answered “no” to questions one and four in the ACEs study questionnaire you may want to revisit and dig a little deeper into your past.
Clinician Ross Rosenberg’s outstanding book “The Human Magnet Syndrome: Why We Love People Who Hurt Us” explores deeply how people with ambivalent or anxious attachment styles are attracted often to the avoidant attachment types.
Another book with useful questionnaires assessing attachment styles is the previously mentioned book “Attached” by Amir Levine MD and Rachel Heller MD.
Another worthy book is “Parenting from the Inside Out: “How a Deeper Self-Understanding Can Help You Raise Children Who Thrive” by Dr Daniel Siegal and Mary Hartzell – this includes in-depth research and an adapted Adult Attachment Interview for self-exploration.
You can assess your enneagram type online for $12, here www.enneagraminstitute.com, However, once again, reading and exploring the personality types is even more important in learning to know yourself and recognizing previously unconscious emotional patterns.
An excellent book to assess for emotional neglect is “Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect” by Dr Jonice Webb – it includes questionnaires for self-assessment and extensive examples of how different parenting styles lead to often unintentional emotional neglect of the child. Essential reading.
Wow
Thanks for this great article.
So many have such a rough road.
Thank you!
Very important and informative article!! Thanks
another greatly important article by Mrs Niki Gratrix!!great evidence that show the utmost importance of healthy social/emotional relationships in the formation of our psychosomatic health!!her research is of immense value for all of us..she is definitely one of the worlds leading pioneers in this field.a truly courageous and avant garde spirit!!
Thank you Paris!
Thank you!
God Bless you, Niki, my greatest source of important information. All of this article pertained to me. Regarding my past and present. Too bad so many of our lives had to be ruined by narcissist mothers. And to make matters worse, we attract abusive mates! Now I know what my appeal is to abusive types.
Thank you!
Knowledge is Power. So healing is possible.
Make sure your physical body is healthy.
Healing is a journey.
Hugz
How does the healing happen in the body as we become more self aware?
Well we have to nourish it with good clean non GMO foods that are organic.
Good sleep, healthy clean water, personal time to become who you want to be.
After so many crisis for over 25 yrs I have to learn to be calm, centered, creative, and get off the rack track.
Breathing deeply, doing what you can, finding some passion, good friends and family.
I actually stayed in one place for four whole months. Unpacked my suitcase after many years.
Giving up something can mean taking your life back.
Living cleanly, meaning lowering your chemical exposures can do wonders.
Hi there. Good question. When we become more self-aware, our stressful reactions to events and life circumstances can calm down – we become less wired and keyed up – more centered. This alone puts the biology into a restful healing state. Sleep improves, as does digestion and detoxification. Gene expression changes toward promoting anti-inflammatory pathways when we are calm and centered. In addition – with more self awareness we notice our own destructive health patterns more clearly, like over-working, over-giving or perfectionism – with awareness we can stop and release these patterns. When we become aware of repressed or disassociated emotions they can finally be felt, acknowledged and released -which frees up energy for body repair mechanisms. Really awareness is prerequisite for any healing as you first need to be cognitively aware that you need a certain type of therapy, approach or modality too. Hope that helps/makes sense. Niki
Me in a nutshell. I scored 10/10 on the original ACE test, and have since put myself in counselling. After a year, I’m making solid progress. But funnily enough, I’ve attributed more of that to my own search for understanding outside of therapy. So much of what you post, and what I’ve heard on many of the health summits you’ve shared, has hugely increased my awareness of my complex trauma history and how it has impacted my life and health. Far far beyond a weekly one hour session with a counsellor. Even this article has answered anew some questions I’ve had. I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD, emotional dysregulation issues and disassociative disorder, (which is fine as it makes me eligible for funding for therapy, etc), but I’ve always understood the core of my problems to be rooted in generational patterns and lack of secure attachment with a primary caregiver. I did that survey mentioned above, and sure enough, I’m fearful-avoidant, insecure in myself and with others. Probably didn’t need the survey to tell me that. But I do want to thank you for even your comment in the comments’ section about healing. That there is hope too, and how it generally works.
Hi Kimarina – this is a powerful comment thank you – and it will help many others. I wish you the very best in your ongoing recovery, warmly Niki
Thank you for this really revealing article. I would like to point out that it appears that the DSM 5 wants to label PTSD victims as only those who can recall specific events. If the mother rejected her baby during the first 2-3 years of life, that baby will not be able to recall those events as an adult. The “strange situation” tests may be revealing at least some of those events that will cause PTSD. It doesn’t take a major event to cause it, only something that creates terror. The first time the baby experiences a stranger in the room may cause terror, but is far too young for observers to even notice the symptoms. The baby in terror might not even cry, because that reflex gets squelched by the parasympathetic reflexes (freeze or faint) which would be more prominent in a baby than an older child who has developed more sympathetic reflexes. When a mother ignores a baby most of the time, the baby learns that is what he/she can expect in life and so ends up treating the mother the same as a stranger when observed by the researchers. The researchers may just be coming in on the tail end of a process.
It also makes it difficult for practitioners to realize how a very minor thing llike turning the lights on in the middle of the night, or eating tomatos might trigger flashbacks that do not involve any images coming to mind at all, but the panic attack symptoms do occur. They can include breathlessness, hot flashes, feelings of paralysis, especially in the shoulders, unwillingness to move, or just an extreme discomfort that cannot be described in terms of specific sensations, and can only become apparent to the victim when they can say they feel enormous anxiety, disgust, wishing they were somewhere else but cannot leave. Other sensations might be recalled but not consciously because the brainstem is triggered in the flashback. The sensations/symptoms might be associated in the brain with the original event, but the details of that event are too difficult to recall because the event occurred before all the new fiber tracts were laid down during the first 2-3 years. Events are not stored in memory in one location but the person must track down all the locations where the parts are stored, generally all those locations involving sensations.
It doesn’t mean that very early memories can never be recalled, because you can do it with mind-body medicine techniques, which can include asking the brainstem questions it can understand using muscle reflex/response testing (Appllied Kinesiology) or even some level of hypnosis. I did it with MRT and tracking down the centers in the brain which light up with the attacks. Of course you have to train the brain to look for these “trails,” but it is possible, since so many have been associated with panic attacks but are not considered important enough because their role is not understood. In fact it appears that psychologists do not recognize how much the brainstem figures in memory storage.
One psychiatrist I know uses truth serum to get the details (but so far I only know that it was used on people whose childhood trauma mostly occurred in the pre-teen years, or the person was loved by an aunt who could replace the mother in the bonding process).
The reason why the DSM won’t recognize early childhood trauma as resulting in PTSD is that it just can’t recognize the symptoms in babies yet. There are too many psychologists and psychiatrists who are completely unaware of the freeze or faint reflexes. And there is such a stigma on the mother that she will be the last person to seek treatment for her baby or herself if she fears the consequences for being a “bad mother.” Our justice system is too quick to jail them for neglect without asking all the questions or referring them to something like adequately funded social services.
Very interesting comment. I suspect neurofeedback would be another way to address pre-cognitive trauma as well.
I combine MRT with mindfulness, so in that way I use neurofeedback. I have heard from others who also use MRT. There is a discussion about it at LinkedIn where there are many who have discovered as I have that it takes a lot of training the brain, developing mindfulness enough to recognize signals from the brainstem that get sent to the conscious neocortex, before you can use it with few mistakes.
There is an element of telling you what you “want” to do, confirming many people’s fears, clearly calling on the quick response of dopamine/serotonin surge that takes place whenever a condition is “satisfied,” as happens with an answer that you get with MRT, among other processes. That answer could be “wrong.” You learn from other signals that the brainstem “wants” you to ask more questions. You learn this when you start to get “yes” when that answer doesn’t make a lot of sense. Your response to suspicious answers teaches the brainstem to also follow the trails associated with your suspect thoughts. You could follow a formula of questions to ask, but they have to change over time as your brainstem “learns” your patterns of thought (the signal patterns in the process of associations you run in your own brain).
After 10 years of training I realize how little “control” you actually have over your thoughts. Yes, you can choose to think about certain things but you do so because your brain has already put them into a queue with a priority ranking. It brings in timing cells (in the Reticular Formation) to “ping” your conscious brain at a particular frequency, which increases as priority moves toward #1. If you track the timing that a thought enters your brain associated with a particular planned action, you will discover the frequency of the timing cells involved.
This combination of mindfulness, MRT and the use of visualization of what is going on (e.g. using analogs or actual images of the brain parts involved) creates the same kind of learning that the standard methods of neurofeedback offer.
And by MRT – what is that the abbreviation for?
Has anyone used Tuning Forks for brain and body healing?
As there has to be physical manifestations to these Dx!
Nutrition, whole body healing, check for Vax injuries, nutrient deficiencies, leaky gut.
So much to learn, so many to heal.
I mentioned it in my first comment, Muscle Reflex/Response Testing (or applied kinesiology).
Hi Martha -ah yes – interesting. I use a type of bioenergetic testing as well. Energy work is important for trauma.
Gluten may affect the whole family tree who may have low energy/may have addictions/depression/health issues etc which may affect interactions with parents and bonding.
My take as a nutritionist is that food additives, chemicals from all sources, lifestyle changes, leaky guts and EMF exposure is all impacting our lives.
I research all the time, and what we do not know about out bodies is killing us.
Several weeks ago I found a new probiotic that has been so positive for our family and me.
Eating healthy, finding out what your food and chemical sensitivities are can be earth changing.
Inflammation as with either GS or GI can mess us ones gut.
Yes – I would say – a holistic approach is best -we don’t want to ignore diet, gluten and lifestyle – and we don’t want to ignore the impact of our subjective states either – both matter…
Very interesting discussion.as someone who has struggled for a lifetime , has looked under every rock( allergies, diet, gut, every energy modality, meditation, intense emotional work, therapy, on and on and on to the point I am 64 and in debt (but I’ll never give up trying). Is there really such a thing as recovery? I did emdr the last year and it was extremely intense but helpful, but although I’m physically very healthy (a miracle) I’m totally exhausted and it’s scary not to be able to work as much. After 3 months of the emdr, there was a session that was a break through. Although I’d had no memories just intense feelings, the psychologist was very skilled in guiding me through choking sensations. It happened several times do I thought I’d had sexual abuse but would never remember.then this once session I KNEW that my mother tried to strangle me as an infant.the feelings shot through me like a volcano, unbelievable experience, and I knew it was the truth.
So sorry for rambling and no punctuation.am on my phone and had to ask/share even though I never write comments.
I’ve come a long way in my spiritual journey but I wonder if I’ll ever release it alland live somewhat normal. It seems each time there’s an aha, there’s 10 more layers.I’m tired , discouraged.
Hi Patty – thank you for this comment and sharing your profound experiences working with ACEs. I understand the tiredness and discouragement, but believe it or not, this is another phase that can also pass. Some “soul nutrition” can transmute those feelings at any age and help you feel like a new person in the face of the most horrendous experiences. I’ve seen it many times – the resilience of the human heart never ceases to amaze me. Great to hear that you will never give up – I wish you some rest and rejuvenation time and the best of luck on your ongoing healing journey, I bet you have gathered tremendous amounts of wisdom along the way, Warmly, Niki
Wow Niki, what a great article. And there is no such a thing as coincidence. In the past few years I have been feeling really bad about myself, low self esteem, anxious and fearfull. I am a real perfectionist and achiever and have seen a CB therapist to help me understand where my perfectionism and anxiety stems from. She has helped me tremendously but I have always felt there is something deeper that we are not getting to the root of the problem. I was thinking to myself and thinking I have everything I need, a good job, awesome friends, have a degree, great family and still I feel so unhappy. but why? and then I remembered that my mom told me that when I was born my mom slept for two days straight and I was taken to the baby ward. Obviously I cant remember that but this is exactly what I am feeling. Just missing the love from a mother. I dont blame anybody but I do feel what I feel. This article and your talk on the immune defense summit just confirms everything I have been feeling and thinking.
As you say awareness is already a great step in the right direction but how do you actually make up for this? I know my mom loves me now but she still has a hard time showing emotions. Can you heal without needing people outside of you to change?
Hello! so first, YES you can learn to feel self love again after attachment trauma. It takes focus and and commitment to recondition deeper semi-conscious feelings but it can certainly be done. Sometimes external professional support can be helpful but not always essential. So consider there is aspect of you, a type of subpersonality that feels alone, abandoned and low self worth. First, you may not be completely aware when this part is activated and you are feeling it (which usually leads to “acting out” like defensive behavior with others, neediness etc), so part of the recovery process is self-inquiry and simple self awareness – regularly checking in with yourself throughout the day and asking yourself how you are feeling in the moment. Once you identify this subpersonality is expressing, there are many things you can do. One is stop, acknowledge and breathe. Show this part of yourself you are aware of it and have no judgement at all about it. Acknowledge overtly this part of you feels like this because of attachment trauma. It is not who you are. Then consciously speak or write a positive sentence to this part of yourself to reassure it, let it know everything is ok, and it is now in a safe space. You can use additional support like rub and breath in the essential oil Ylang Ylang, this will help alchemize the emotion. Take a walk in nature. Do EFT tapping on it if you know how to do that. This just scratches the surface to give you an idea, but processes like this will need to be done many times. If there is a lot of conditioned stress, daily meditation is essential, even some neurofeedback. If there is a discreet painful incident, EMDR with a practitioner may be needed. Bioenergetic work with infoceuticals may transmute it. Setting an intention for transmuting it before bed may lead to clearing it during dream state. Physical interventions like treating gut dysbiosis, nutrient deficiencies and metabolic imbalances (e.g. pyroluria) are also important. A high resonance diet is important for feeling positive feelings! For others, especially where there was a lot of emotional neglect in childhood, speaking to a practitioner may be needed where the patient/client needs to retell (or tell for the first time) what happened in childhood. A new story may need to be expressed verbally. I could write a whole course on this – wait – that is exactly what I am doing lol – but this should give you an idea! Hope this helps a little.
Thank you so so much Niki for your response. I am really happy to read that there is hope.
I would love to know more about the course.
You sound like an awesome and knowledgeable person 🙂
Thank you! For now I recommend ensuring you have signed up to my free ebook on the 7 Steps to Resolving Emotional Trauma at the homepage of nikigratrix.com – then you will receive email notification about my course when it is ready. Thank you and good luck in the meantime!
I like the response to your question, YS, from Niki. I too suffered from rejection by my mother. I read how Bessel van der Kolk uses group therapy to heal specific memories by PTSD patients. Members of this group play out the scene as representatives of those involved in the traumatic event, but change the behavior to one of support, helping the members replace the bad memory with a good one.
I used a similar method in dream therapy. I figured out that dreams are just the way the brain tests circuits it has just repaired, making your neocortex help out by doing the analysis and supplying the brainstem with other associations in the memory that need repairing. You can “tell” the brain (early on in this level of training you have to tap on the “tender” spot on the chest mentioned in EFT training, and speak out loud) to replace the bad person (your mom) with someone who you know who would have been nurturing to a baby. It helps to use Muscle reflex/response testing (MRT) to ask questions about who to use and what memories you need to address, since obviously you cannot access those early childhood memories, despite still being stored in the brain.
You can tell the brain to go back through all the traumatic events you experienced in the first three years of life, and replace your mother or “bad” person with a “good” person and use the response that good person would have had. This helps by causing the brain to add up the “good” outcomes to crowd out the “bad” responses. By doing this, the “bean-counters” in the brain achieve enough good responses to create the centers that normally were done in those with nurturing mothers, but not in you. It takes time, but it works. I feel the change every month. It has made a world of difference to my moods and interactions with others. It also tends to remove nightmares from the archive, too.
This information is so interesting… I wonder if one can work backward from the four attachment types and consider that if they fit one to a tee, they can assume that there was some kind of attachment challenge with their mother. In looking at the “Dismissive persons(low anxiety, high avoidance) type, do you know of any more clarification on what the mother “who is not expressing emotional love for their baby” and “possibly rejecting” is doing? Is there anything that relates this to a quality of lack of empathy even though the mother is doing all the physical things and basic necessities the child needs? Empathy or lack thereof in the parent? How does it relate to the attachment types? One would think it relates to the Avoidance type? I’ll look into the recommended books, but this article seemed to be very revealing… Thank you for the last paragraph that offers solutions for those who may be engaged with a health challenge that is not resolving and see themselves as displaying all the characteristics of the Avoidance type throughout life… Gotta do the work even if your ego is resisting… The person certainly would not want the dis-ease or the lack of intimacy dynamic… It’s interesting the Journaling keeps coming up in my life recently… From everywhere, the most recent being from John Sarno’s revealing ideas on repressed unconscious emotions(principally rage) being the real limiting factor in almost every chronic health challenge… The brain does not want the emotion to emerge because the person’s safety may be at risk if he/she expresses the emotion… So it facilitates a physical or mental debilitating state so the person will always be trying to get healed from that via doctors, diets, supplements, the internet, etc., hence the dangerous rage, shame, guilt, etc. will never be expressed… Makes a lot of sense if you think about it, if you actually had an event that you know affected you deeply(trauma), and you act like it did not affect you that much so as to be able to not appear “hurt” or “weak”, when in fact you may actually have had thoughts about getting revenge in some way. The brain says no because you may be in serious danger(job loss, subsequent money loss, jail, death, etc.) if the act was perpetrated… But by doing the kinds of exercises you are speaking of and acknowledging the pain, in a way that is not dangerous, the brain will not need to create physical pain/related symptoms in the body to protect the person… It is just amazing how powerful all of this can be with regard very challenging health states… And the therapies discussed from Martha above seem like they could be very helpful to reconditioning the nervous system and brain… PTSD? Why does recovering from this seem so difficult! Thank you Niki for the article…
Hello – yes the Mother who is rejecting of her baby is lacking empathy. And yes generally she would have possibly been an avoidant type herself due to her own parenting. And agreed – people trying to resolve repressed emotions with diet and supplements is very common. Until they choose to face up to themselves and dive deep within, they may never be healed. The key to take away is that is it possible to resolve emotional trauma, it takes courage facing up to truths about ourselves, and to temporarily allow painful feelings to flow through us for release, but it is SOOOO worth it!
Nikki Thank You! Your article, the video you shared and this forum which gave a platform for fellow sufferers like Calle and Martha to engage with their valuable comments has been extremely valuable to me. It is the first time I have felt validated. Like Dan, I have so many pieces of the puzzle but no framework to provide validation or context. I am enormously grateful. Thank you
Thank you Gizella, keep on looking for help because you will find more available now than when I first started to look for answers. Niki has brought us some great posts with truly well thought-out answers.
Dan, you referred to Sarno’s ideas on repressed rage. I discovered through the use of MRT and very strong self-reflection, that I was feeling rage at certain moments in my self-treatment. I did not recognize it as rage because it wasn’t anything like adult rage. I felt the tenseness of shoulder muscles and a very strong feeling of discomfort, e.g. wanting to leave the room immediately or wanting to scream. I had to ask my brain using MRT what emotion I was feeling, going through a list of various emotions. What I think the brainstem is doing in order to answer “yes” to such a question, is to look for the pattern of nerve signals it had experienced when I previously felt an emotion in the list and checked to see if they were the same signals as I was feeling at the time I asked. Rage was a surprise. But I was definitely feeling the same kind of rage a baby could feel. After all it is helpless and the only thing it can do is scream, wave arms or try to roll over. It couldn’t throw things or kill someone, like an adult might do when enraged.
The fact that I dd not recall feeling this kind of rage before may reflect the fact that it was a very strong negative emotion, and as such probably had a history of causing damage in neighboring neurons. The brain is going to suppress such an emotion where it has a long history of causing damage. Suppression or blocking neural pathways is a recognized mechanism in the nervous system, so I wasn’t surprised to find it related to baby memories (which are probably also not recall-able due to the extensive re-wiring of circuitry during the first 3 years of life). So “acting” like the memory is not important to you may not necessarily be a conscious action but may be due to this blocking, rendering our “acting” as completely unconscious or reflexive.
see my note to Gizella
Another tactic everyone needs to do with the use of MRT (muscle reflex/response testing) is to guard against getting a “yes” answer when that is not correct. Remember that you are talking with a brain that the typical 2-year-old has, one that will say “yes” just to get a positive response from the adult (or feeling of satiety in the brain). The brain has a lot of satiety centers all over it. I think they operate much like the checks a computer programmer puts into code. They check answers to previous computer subroutines just to be sure they are valid or likely. The satiety centers in the brain act to be sure that the brain responds correctly (according to previous responses) to various physiological states. You have to inform your brain to “just say no” if it doesn’t understand the question, or needs to know more. Many times it will say “no” after that because it still hasn’t figured out the answer and is working on it. Then you ask “Do you need to know more?” Sometimes the answer doesn’t come for hours or days. Sometimes the answer changes over the years you are training your brain. It takes time to be able to rely on this method for most things like repairing your brain.
One’s questions in MRT work to guide the brain to finding an answer mainly because it searches for the same pattern of neural signals triggered in the past that more closely matches the ones uses to ask the question. It is not that the brainstem “understands” the words. It understands the outcome of the neural patterns associated with the words, the images that come to mind as one speaks, the sensations the body feels, and all associated centers and neurons with the concepts one is trying to convey.
Patty,
Patty, my mother tried to strangle me too and when I first found this out, I was in shock, deeply upset and it lasted for 3 weeks. But the choking sensations were very common all throughout my life at certain moments that I could never figure out why. Until I learned how to ask questions with MRT, (using mindfulness and visualization at the same time). A major piece of the puzzle got resolved when I figured out what my mother had done to me on the second day of life, stopped only when a nurse entered the room to ask her if everything was ok. Just 10 years ago, a chiropractor discovered that my C3 neural spine had never fused to the body of the vertebra when I went to him for severe neck pain treatment. Every time I lightly pressed on that area of my neck I would feel tingling. It all finally made sense to me just 7 years ago when I got these answers from my own brain. It had also told me that my manubrium had cracked as a baby, but since most of it is still cartilage at that time, no trace of that trauma would be seen in the adult bone. A baby doesn’t have much of a neck and the mother pressing her thumb against the top of the manubrium and her other fingers against the back of the neck, in an attempt to strangle, would very likely cause damage to those areas. Full fusion of neural spines and epiphyses in the backbone doesn’t occur until around 21 years of age. At birth, most neural spines are only held in place with cartilage, so it would be very easy to break that cartilage and prevent full fusion in a baby. You might be able to find skeletal evidence for your experience from a chiropractor who usually takes X-rays of an area before treatment.
Great post, I’m glad to be reading your work Niki. And I SO appreciate that you are one of the few really great and successful bloggers and experts out there who personally replies to comments – wow, that is just such a beautiful thing in this tech-filled day and age, where so much goes unread 🙂
Quick question here – do you have any thoughts or other articles that point towards “how to have healthy relationships in this day and age (2017, 2018), when 50% of folks have attachment trauma”? I understand that silent ACEs can also take years to overcome – so how does that line up with two individuals who BOTH have attachment trauma of some kind (as is fairly common) trying (and failing) to make a relationship work? I imagine it can be devilishly difficult *even when* both are in therapy and working on their issues (perhaps even more difficult if all their past trauma has been brought right to surface and they are in the middle of them) – what is the hope?
My therapist reckons it takes 7 years before any kind of shift really happens when working on these kinds of complex issues – is that true in your case? – and that really people should not be thinking about getting into relationships before that…Thoughts?
Hi Nalini – good questions. Ironically you are probably most ready to be in a happy relationship when you are 100% willing to be happy being alone, and enjoy your own company! Even then, it doesn’t mean a relationship you get into will last decades, it’s not a failure to just last 5 years for example. I think very long term relationships will become much less common and that is a good thing, it reflects freedom from having to stay in a miserable relationship out of duty. There are times not to get into a relationship – such as where someone attracts abusive, destructive people – then the codependency issues need to be resolved before starting a relationship. Once abuse is ruled out, then getting into a relationship can be a joyful experience, but because there is a lot of healing occurring – especially with people like you who are willing to dig into their issues and confront them, the relationship will be the trigger for growth and change, which in turn can lead to the relationship running its natural course and ending. This is another reason why I think relationships will become shorter, and that doesn’t have to be seen as a failure…And I don’t think it has to take 7 years to heal something necessarily – the energies are moving very fast these days. Just my experience anyway! 🙂
Hi Niki, I have been listening to you for months now, and have found your interviews with Wendy Myers to be the most helpful explanation I’ve come across in understanding how early trauma becomes biology. This has been the story of my children. I have a son and daughter (age 8 and 10) both adopted from Kazakhstan at 1 year old. They both have some attachment challenges due to early neglect/trauma, and my son was most likely exposed to alcohol in-utero. We have done various therapies (movement therapies, working with FDNP) to help their anxiety, depression, impulsivity, hyperactivity and self-regulation over the years, and in early summer 2018, I started them on NES Health’s infoceuticals, going to the training in July. I am seeing progress in my daughter, but for my son, it is super slow because he is so sensitive to detox of any kind due to an impaired liver. There doesn’t seem to be any data that tells us how much trauma resolution or enhanced brain development can be achieved by NES. Do you have any experience in this? And do you believe further work like neurofeedback, tapping or EMDR would be important in addition to NES? I want to help them release and resolve their trauma at the root if possible. I’ve seen that you recommend neurofeedback over EMDR for ambient developmental trauma. For so many adoptive families who are suffering along with their children, there is little guidance that can point to the most effective strategies for healing. I’m a huge fan of NES, and want to believe it is a large part of our whole family’s healing, but don’t want to put all our eggs in only that basket. Any thoughts you have would be most helpful. Thank you!
Hi Tonya, yes I agree with you I would say that NES is be one part of a multifactorial approach. There are many types of therapies out there, I recommend reading “The Body Keeps the Score” by Dr Bessel van der Kolk (world leading expert on trauma) for a comprehensive overview. I recently interviewed Dr van der Kolk and he said there are currently not enough good trained practitioners in neurofeedback, even though it is very promising in early research. It’s an exploration process as you know, and in addition to the therapies covered in the book, I’d exploring family constellations therapy, cranial sacral therapy and also breathwork/holotrophic breathing. There is nothing that works for everyone, so it’s a very personal journey as you know. I would also check out Diane Poole Heller’s work on attachment trauma https://dianepooleheller.com/. I wish you the best of luck with your ongoing research and healing! 🙂 Warmest, Niki
Thank you so much, Niki! I appreciate your thoughtful reply. I’m in the process of reading “The Body Keeps the Score” now. Is your interview of Dr. van der Kolk available to the public? If so, how can I find it?
Warmly,
Tonya
I will be launching the podcast soon – if you are on my mailing list (from signing up to any of my free reports and ebooks), you’ll get notified about it. Thanks!
I scored 6 out of 10 on the original ACE test.
On question 3, is it considered a sexual abuse even it was consensual because I was a minor?
I was 12 and my first boy friend was 22.
Hi Emilia, yes I would classify it as an ACE because a child of 12 would not have been in a position to make a fully informed consensual decision. Warmest, Niki